The Randy Romance Novelist by Meghan Quinn
Published by Indie on April 12, 2016
Genres: Contemporary, Humor, Romance
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It finally happened, I lost my virginity. Cue applause and cheers.
For a while life was all rainbows and kittens prancing in a sky full of cotton candy clouds…that was until the demands of the real world set in.
My best friend is getting married and she asked me to be her maid of honor. She’s not worried about flowers, or the dress, or the food at the venue. No, she’s worried about the bachelorette party, what kind of penis crown she will wear, and the nipple size of the stripper who will be attending.
I’m in way over my head trying to balance life with a boyfriend, planning a penis party, and writing my romance novel. Something is bound to give.
This is my life after my happily ever after…
**WARNING: THE RANDY ROMANCE NOVELIST IS OVER THE TOP, RIDICULOUS, AND IS MEANT TO MAKE YOU BURST OUT IN LAUGHTER, QUESTION THE SANITY OF THIS AUTHOR, AND WELCOME OVER-DRAMATIZED COMEDY INTO YOUR LIFE. PLEASE PROCEED IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ ABOUT ABSURD TOMFOOLERY TYPE EVENTS, BE EXPOSED TO THE BOOK WORLD AND OTHER AUTHORS, AS WELL AS SEE THAT EVEN IN THE MIDST OF A COMICAL COMBUSTION OF NONSENSICAL CRAZINESS (AND NAÏVE CHARACTERS) LOVE WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL.**
“You’re so fucking beautiful; do you know that?” Henry asked, starting me in the eyes. “Every day, I wake up with you in my arms, thanking whoever wants to listen for letting you be mine.”
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Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch…
Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?
God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.
I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.
My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.
But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…